Insights from Chloe Estelle: An Autistic Mentor and Advocate

Chloe Estelle is an Autistic mentor and coach with years of experience working in the nonprofit space, supporting Autistic individuals and their networks. Chloe also facilitates live monthly Mentor Calls in the Insider and NeuroAffirm Academy Communities.  In this interview, she shares her journey, philosophy, and advice for fostering neurodiversity-affirming relationships.

Can you share a bit about your personal journey as an Autistic individual and how it has shaped your approach to mentoring?

My experience in services growing up shaped everything about how I mentor. My parents and I were given advice from experts on autism—people with zero lived experience. While their hearts were often in the right place, there was always something missing in their understanding.

Everything changed when I was able to connect with others like me, people who had lived what I was living. There is nothing like the validation and support from someone who shares your experience, especially when you’re in the minority. The advice and stories I heard from those older than me, or who had already walked the path I was on, were so much more helpful, supportive, and validating than anything else I’d received.

Now, as an Autistic mentor, my goal is to bridge that gap through the lens of lived experience. I aim to fill in those often-overlooked gaps left by those who don’t have personal memories of navigating autism. I see my role as translating the experience of autism both for those living it and for those who want to better support an Autistic person in their lives.

How do you incorporate neurodiversity-affirming practices into your work with clients?

Being Autistic myself, I approach mentorship by offering the kind of support I wish I’d had. I provide help the way I wish it had been offered to me.

I know what it feels like when my disability is treated as something to “overcome” or when I’m told that I just need to try harder or think more positively to do things “like everyone else.” Those attitudes—no matter how well-intentioned—made me feel like a failure, as though I lacked the necessary skills or intellect.

In my practice, I focus on validating my clients’ experiences. I don’t position myself as an all-knowing expert. Instead, I share from my own personal perspective, without judgment. I hold space for what my clients need and let them lead the process. Trust is my number one goal because I know how hard it is to earn, especially with clients who’ve been let down repeatedly by other service providers.

To build trust, I use language of precision and offer every type of regulation my clients might need—sensory, emotional, and physical. Most importantly, I listen: to their words, to their unique ways of communicating as Autistic individuals, and to what’s left unsaid.

I explain thoroughly that my role is to support them, and that they are allowed to tell me “no.” I retrain my clients to advocate for themselves and remind them that they are in charge of their own care. I tell them, “You hired me, and I work for you,” and then I immediately follow through on that promise.

What advice would you give to neurotypical individuals who want to better understand and support Autistic people?

Assume that I am always trying my best.

The idea that Autistic people need to work harder or push harder because of who we are has never been helpful to me. Life is hard enough without being reminded of that fact, or worse, having someone assume that I’m not already doing my best.

Support begins with trust and empathy, not assumptions or pressure.

Chloe Estelle’s approach is a powerful reminder of the importance of lived experience in fostering understanding and connection. By bridging gaps in support and advocating for client-led care, Chloe is reshaping the way we view mentorship and advocacy for Autistic individuals.

If you’re a therapist who is inspired by Chloe’s work and want to be part of a community where neurodiversity-affirming values thrive, consider joining one of the groups where Chloe hosts our Live Monthly Mentor Calls. These calls offer a unique opportunity to connect, learn, and grow in a supportive space. Reach out to [email protected]  to learn more and find the community that’s right for you!