When to Desensitize vs Accommodate Sensory Needs
You ever get something in your head and just have to make it happen, no matter what? That was me with this ridiculous sweater.
I was filming my Sensory Certificate Course and decided—for some reason—that I needed to wear a blue sweater. Not just any sweater. A specific shade of blue. I don’t know why my brain latched onto this, but once the thought was there, it wasn’t leaving.
One problem: I live in Los Angeles. And it was July. Sweaters? Nowhere to be found.
But I was determined. I searched high and low, dragged myself through every store, and finally—FINALLY—found one. Cashmere and wool. Expensive. Itchy. But it was blue. So I convinced myself, I can handle this for one day.
Famous last words.
The morning of filming, I tried to prepare. I put on a thin, soft long-sleeve underneath, hoping to create some kind of sensory buffer. But within two minutes of putting the sweater on, I was huffing and puffing like I had just run a marathon, tearing back to my room in full-blown dysregulation mode. There was no way I was going to survive two full days of filming in this sweater. It was torture.
So, I had two choices:
1️⃣ Ditch the sweater and ruin my whole blue sweater vision.
2️⃣ Keep the long-sleeve on and sweat my way through summer in LA.
Guess which one I picked?
Yeah, I chose boiling hot over itchy agony. Because for me, being hot was less awful than being itchy. And over the years, I’ve tried to desensitize myself to this sweater. I’ve put it on. I’ve given it a chance. And guess what? It still sits in my closet, making me irrationally mad because I cannot wear it.
Would I wear it for $1000? Maybe. But I would hate every second of it. And I still wouldn’t suddenly like wearing itchy sweaters.
When Desensitization Isn’t the Answer
And THIS is why we have to put ourselves in our kids’ shoes when we talk about desensitization.
If someone had told me,
"Jessie, just wear the sweater for 20 minutes, and I’ll let you watch Vanderpump Rules after,"
I might have done it. (Especially if it was a reunion episode.)
But what would that have achieved?
❌ I would probably hate you.
❌ I would still never want to wear that sweater again.
We need to stop thinking of desensitization as the ultimate goal. If a child hates a certain texture, sound, or sensation, forcing them to endure it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll “get used to it.” Sometimes, it just makes them dread it more.
So yeah, sometimes increasing sensory tolerance can be helpful. But that should always be the person's choice. It should never be our goal for them unless it's their goal.
When Desensitization Is Necessary
Now, sometimes desensitization is needed—like for health and safety. If a child needs to tolerate a medical procedure, wear certain protective clothing, or adjust to a necessary piece of equipment, that’s different.
Take brushing teeth, for example. A child may absolutely hate the sensation, but we know oral hygiene is important. So instead of forcing it, we can use strategies that help make the experience more tolerable on their terms:
✔️ Giving them control over the process (let them pick their toothbrush or toothpaste)
✔️ Allowing them to take breaks instead of pushing through distress
✔️ Using accommodations to lessen discomfort (like a smaller toothbrush, softer bristles, or even a kids' toothbrush—I had an autistic adult tell me they prefer using a kids toothbrush for this very reason!)
✔️ Gradually introducing sensations at their pace rather than overwhelming them all at once
The key is watching the child for signs of discomfort and working with them, not against them. Our goal isn’t to make them “just get over it.” It’s to support them in a way that respects their needs while helping them navigate necessary experiences.
What We Should Do Instead
✅ Accommodate their needs—if they hate scratchy clothes, find softer alternatives.
✅ Support their preferences—not everyone needs to love finger painting or loud music.
✅ Teach them to advocate for themselves—help them express what feels good and what doesn’t.
At the end of the day, our job isn’t to make kids tolerate discomfort just because we think they should. It’s to help them navigate the world in ways that feel safe and comfortable for them.
So let’s stop pushing itchy sweaters—and start listening instead.
Learn More About Neuroaffirming Therapy
If you want to dive deeper into how to support sensory needs in a neuroaffirming way, check out the Neuroaffirm Therapy Academy. It’s a space for professionals to learn, connect, and grow in their understanding of neurodiversity-affirming practices.
